I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
