This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
