Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
