he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.