sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes