win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Are my feet made of real feet?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
