Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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