Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can feel your judgement through the phone
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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