My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Drunk is not a location!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize