U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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