When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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