I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize