he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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