i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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