Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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