Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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