I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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