EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
