she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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