I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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