I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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