Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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