the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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