Can i not drive my cunt home
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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