Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
honey bunches of taint.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
