You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When are your genitals available?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
