I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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