If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
