What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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