He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
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That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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