He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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