Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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