friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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