Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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