but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
