I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
