U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
sarcasm needs its own font
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
