Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
