that's an acceptable place to lick
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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