And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
