That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
