I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I look better un-naked...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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