I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
