I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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