Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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