do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What a dumb baby whore.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
