I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
