you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
