I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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