pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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