ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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