Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
His nipple licking is glorious
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