at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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