Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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