if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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