I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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