It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i love accidental penises.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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