What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
