carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
