I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
