nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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