She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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