Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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