You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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