I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
