Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
